Behold, our majestic protagonist of football, Joe Rothwell - birthed into the world on the frosty 11th of January, 1995. Cutting to the chase, he hails from the green and pleasant lands of England and spends his working hours goading the ever-elusive ball around the field as a central midfielder for Rangers. Given his rather towering stature of 6ft (1.85m), one could be forgiven for thinking he could have missed his true calling as a basketball player. His physique is suitably athletic, thanks to the 12st 1lb (or 77kg, should you be so inclined towards continental measurements) he's lugged around the pitch all these years.
Rothwell graces the pitch adorned with the number 6 jersey, proudly worn on his back as if it were armour. His current market value is pegged at a not-too-shabby figure of €1.80m (about £1.5m, give or take a penny). Quite the bargain according to our friendly experts over at Transfermarkt. Ensure the tears are firmly held back as we reveal there's a mere 2 years and 12 months left on his Rangers contract, due to cruelly expire on 30th June, 2028. Might there be time yet for a snag on deadline day or will he clasp that golden handshake and glide gracelessly into his sunset? Who can predict the fickle fates of football.
Our journey begins in earnest in distant July 2001 when a young Rothwell was taken under the wing of Manchester United as a plucky trainee, eager to impress yet somewhat suspiciously lacking in breakdown recovery skills. January 2015 saw our Joe make his daring escape from the Premier League, opting for a change of scenery with Blackpool on loan in League One, where he imprinted three first team appearances on the league match records.
After an eventful season at Blackpool, Rothwell found himself hopping over to Barnsley on loan in 2015. He could jest that he'd seen more groundskeepers than spectators, having only racked up four first team appearances.
In 2016, Rothwell bid farewell to the mighty Manchester United once again, in pursuit of new frontiers at Oxford United, nestled in the endearing Championship. His performances over two seasons produced a combo of four goals across a total of 56 appearances. A somewhat reasonable return, one might assert.
In July 2018, our wandering soul left Oxford United to canvas his talents at Blackburn Rovers. Indeed, over four closely-fought seasons in the Championship, Rothwell racked up 149 appearances with 10 successful strikes to his name – a figure football historians may well debate in hushed tones for decades to come.
In the merry month of July 2025, Rothwell found himself divested of Bournemouth and plunged into the calamity of Scottish football, delivering his signatures to Rangers for an undisclosed fee. For us to delve into that would be unseemly speculation, which we, of course, do not endorse. To date, he has made zero first team appearances in this current season. Although, let's not forget his brief gallivanting in the Champions League Qualifiers with two starts to his name. It's the memories that count, I'm sure you'll agree.
Looking back, one can’t help but marvel at the baffling journey of Joe Rothwell. To quote a wise man: "Football, bloody hell." Too right, alright.
